What

Would you do if your one and only goal and passion in life was unattainable.

I

Am starting to take notice of one of the apects my transition into adulthood. Im losing alot of my care and concern for anything or anyone but myself. It is so hard to not let the environment around me have an effect on my person. Is this what the majority of the world goes through? Is it the truely strong people who hold onto their virtues despite the amount of selfishness around them? I dont want to turn into one of the selfish. Its so hard to be positive and optimistic.

I

Sometimes get panic attacks thinking about how time only flows one way.

Hammock

Is getting me through the days lately

Took

my first run at COP today. Havent had this much fun in a while and the adrenaline feels awesome.

I cant stop thinking about it. Its like Ive lost a piece of my mind. And that part is out there. Living its own life. I want that piece back. It feels like I lost a part of my life. I know I cant have it back though. I let it go. Its so fucking conflicting. This is what everyone goes through, huh? Im done. I dont want to think about it anymore. It breaks my mind, body, and heart every day.

This was my office today. Fresh air and good times with tom. Love that spring rot smell

Got my transfer today. Alot of stuff is about to happen in the next while : )

Got my transfer today. Alot of stuff is about to happen in the next while : )

Yesterday

Was a good day. I dumped at least a quarter cup of water out of each of my boots at 3 different times in the day. I can now say I have walked on water for 10 hours straight.

I

Am not happy here.

I

Havent held or been held by anyone in a long time. I can feel it in my gut.

I

Despise the radio. I dont understand how people can listen to the same crap over and over again.

So

I was beginning to forget why I wanted to move out here. I remember now. The mountains are gorgeous and even though I was driving through them at night yesterday I immediately felt a peace. I can smell all the coniferous trees so much when I am riding the lift up. Its almost like a drug. I need to live here…

Working

On family day today. 48 bucks an hour is the only thing I will look forward to.