Hammock

Is getting me through the days lately

Took

my first run at COP today. Havent had this much fun in a while and the adrenaline feels awesome.

I cant stop thinking about it. Its like Ive lost a piece of my mind. And that part is out there. Living its own life. I want that piece back. It feels like I lost a part of my life. I know I cant have it back though. I let it go. Its so fucking conflicting. This is what everyone goes through, huh? Im done. I dont want to think about it anymore. It breaks my mind, body, and heart every day.

This was my office today. Fresh air and good times with tom. Love that spring rot smell

Got my transfer today. Alot of stuff is about to happen in the next while : )

Got my transfer today. Alot of stuff is about to happen in the next while : )

Yesterday

Was a good day. I dumped at least a quarter cup of water out of each of my boots at 3 different times in the day. I can now say I have walked on water for 10 hours straight.

I

Am not happy here.

I

Havent held or been held by anyone in a long time. I can feel it in my gut.

I

Despise the radio. I dont understand how people can listen to the same crap over and over again.

So

I was beginning to forget why I wanted to move out here. I remember now. The mountains are gorgeous and even though I was driving through them at night yesterday I immediately felt a peace. I can smell all the coniferous trees so much when I am riding the lift up. Its almost like a drug. I need to live here…

Working

On family day today. 48 bucks an hour is the only thing I will look forward to.

Sometimes

this job gets me pissed. Covered head to toe in frozen muddy water. I want to be in a warm dry bed…

Once

again I am flipping tables over at my mothers again. It makes me glad that home for me now is several thousand kilometers away from her and her insanity. On the other hand I am also several thousand kilometers away from my brothers and dad who I love and miss dearly. Bitter sweet.

Sometimes

I get so nostalgic about good times I have had in my life that I get depressed. Sometimes I hope that nothing good will happen in my life so that I will have nothing to look back on and wish I could relive.